A eulogy is a speech delivered at a funeral or memorial service in honour of someone who has died. It is usually given by someone who knew the person well — a family member, close friend, or colleague — and its purpose is to speak honestly and warmly about who that person was, share memories that others will recognise, and help those gathered feel a little less alone in their grief.
If you have been asked to give one, or you are thinking about writing one, here is everything you need to know about what a eulogy is and how to write it well.
The purpose of a eulogy
A eulogy is not a formal biography and it is not a sermon. It is a personal tribute — a chance to say, in front of the people who also loved this person, what made them worth knowing.
Unlike an obituary, which is a written notice typically published in a newspaper or online, a eulogy is meant to be heard. It lives in the room, in the voice of someone who was actually there. The best eulogies feel like a conversation rather than a performance — specific, honest, and grounded in real memory.
Who gives a eulogy?
Anyone who was close to the person who died can give a eulogy. At a traditional church service, the minister or vicar often delivers a tribute as part of the service. At a humanist or non-religious funeral, a celebrant typically does the same. But eulogies from family or friends carry something a celebrant cannot quite replicate — they come from someone who actually shared a life with the person.
There is no rule about how many eulogies a service can include. One is common. Two or three — each from a different relationship, perhaps a spouse, a sibling, and a lifelong friend — can feel especially full. If someone is not up to speaking on the day, it is entirely acceptable to ask someone else to read their written tribute aloud.
How long should a eulogy be?
Most eulogies run between three and five minutes when spoken aloud. That is roughly 400 to 700 words at a natural, unhurried pace — enough to say something real without losing the room.
Longer is rarely better. A focused eulogy that takes one or two moments and tells them honestly will stay with people far longer than a comprehensive account that tries to cover everything. You are not writing a life summary. You are offering a window into the person.
What to include
There is no single correct structure, but most eulogies that land well follow a loose shape:
- An introduction — who you are and how you knew them. Keep this brief; the room is there for the person who has died, not for you.
- One or two stories — specific, sensory memories that reveal something true. A moment at the kitchen table. The way they laughed at their own jokes before the punchline. Something small that was also, somehow, entirely them.
- A sense of what made them who they were — their humour, their habits, what they cared about, what they would say in any given situation.
- A closing thought — something that acknowledges the loss while holding the life in view.
What to leave out: inside references that most of the room will not share, anything that makes the occasion about you rather than them, and anything you would feel uncomfortable saying in front of eighty people of varying ages and relationships.
Gathering what you need
Before you write a word, talk to people. Ask other family members for stories you might not know. Think about the qualities that came up again and again — was this person always the first to offer help? Did they have a phrase they used constantly? Did everyone who met them feel, somehow, that they were the only person in the room?
Recurring themes are the heart of a good eulogy. Pick one or two of those qualities, find a story that illustrates each, and write them out in full. That is your eulogy.
If you are also planning the wider service, it can help to look at funeral poems and readings or consider the right funeral songs — choosing a piece of music or a reading to follow the eulogy gives it a natural close and a moment of shared feeling in the room.
Delivering the eulogy
It is normal to be emotional. Almost everyone who gives a eulogy gets tearful at some point, and no one in the room will think less of you for it — quite the opposite. A few things that help:
- Print it in a large font and read from the page. This is not cheating; it is sensible.
- Pause when you need to. Silence is fine. The room will wait.
- Speak more slowly than feels natural — nerves speed us up, so slow down deliberately.
- If you feel yourself losing composure, take a breath, find your place on the page, and continue when you can.
The room is with you. Everyone there wants you to succeed.
Eulogy, obituary, elegy: what is the difference?
These terms overlap in everyday use, but they mean distinct things:
- Eulogy — a spoken tribute delivered at a funeral or memorial service
- Obituary — a written notice that records someone's death and life, typically published publicly
- Elegy — a poem or piece of writing that mourns a death, usually more literary in tone
- Tribute — a general term for any mark of respect, spoken or written
A eulogy is the most personal of these. It is the one that puts a real voice in a real room, speaking directly to the people who loved the person who has died.
After the service
Once a funeral is over, the words spoken tend to fade. If you wrote the eulogy, it is worth keeping it — printed, or saved somewhere you can return to. The act of writing about someone you have lost is its own form of remembering.
Some families also find it meaningful to create a permanent online memorial — a place where the eulogy, photographs, and memories can live long after the service, accessible to anyone who loved that person. If that feels right for your family, you can create a memorial page on Memoriance for the price of a bouquet of flowers. It is there whenever someone needs to return to it.